Last month I took a brief survey.... "Can men and women be Just Friends?" I had some interesting responses. The overall consensus was "yes" they can.
The first male that I posed the question to answered, "I have enough friends. I’m looking for a girlfriend. No man, no matter what they say, really wants to be just friends with a gal. It’s not in his nature."
I, personally, have had a number of very close male friendships in my lifetime. Going through high-school most of my "best friends" were guys. Yet I was never a "tomboy" either. I never really understood in those years, why I related better to guys than to gals. Many years later I came to the conclusion that I think I subconsciously felt that I didn’t have to compete with a guy. With gals, I had a tendency to compare myself. Do I look as good? Am I as outgoing? The guys accepted me for who I was. No competition there.
In my adulthood and as a single woman, I have had five very close male friendships. A lady once asked me, "what does a male/female friendship look like?" For that reason, I will share my experiences.
The first [adult] male friendship: We met at a Bible study and started talking afterward. We were enjoying great conversation. I mentioned I was hungry and needed to go home and get something to eat. He said he should do the same. I told him "I’m gonna fix a grilled cheese sandwich if you want to join me and we can continue our conversation." He said "Sure!" Over grilled cheese we discussed where we were in life, and neither of us were interested in a "dating" relationship. Since that day in January 1995, we have been great friends. We talked on the phone often, he taught me ballroom dancing, we’d rent and watch movies together, he’d call and say "I need a woman’s opinion." It was never a hand holding type of relationship. He eventually met "the one" and, of course, I backed off on our activities to give her space. They eventually married. Now I’m friends with both.
I have four other male friendships that have followed a very similar scenario. One in particular, I stay in close touch with and often participate in activities with he and his lovely wife. Another close male friend married one of my best gal friends that I introduced him to. But, you also have to recognize that the activities of those close friendships have to end when he/she gets involved in a relationship.
My success of being a "female friend" is because I am always honest about my intentions from the beginning. I make it clear that I am only looking for friendships at this time. Guys look at things different than women. I’m sure you would all agree that we enjoy the company of the opposite sex. The problem with "friendship" arises when one or the other sometimes steps over the friendship boundary line.
Certainly, there have been circumstances where we both agreed that we could move on to the dating stage and see where that took us. What better way for a relationship to start than with being great friends first?
As perfect as it may sound, this scenario doesn’t work for everyone. I once ran across an old acquaintance who asked for my phone number again. I told him sure he could call as long as he knows up front that, with no conceit intended, I’m not looking for a boyfriend. He asked, "Well what are you looking for?" "Christian friendships" was my answer. He said ok. But, after awhile I discontinued any one-on-one activities because he really was not able to accept a "just friend" status.
Does this mean that we can only be friends with the opposite sex if we "don't want" a boyfriend/girlfriend? Of course, not. I too would love to have that match made in Heaven. But I'm not "looking" and I trust that when God has prepared him for me, we'll become great friends which will lead to that "perfect for me" relationship. I know from experience that a relationship is harder to get out of than it is to get into. So why look for a "relationship" and then worry about hurting that person because you realize you're really not interested? For Me... looking for friends, and letting God plan the rest, has an added benefit.... it keeps me content in my singleness!
The first male that I posed the question to answered, "I have enough friends. I’m looking for a girlfriend. No man, no matter what they say, really wants to be just friends with a gal. It’s not in his nature."
I, personally, have had a number of very close male friendships in my lifetime. Going through high-school most of my "best friends" were guys. Yet I was never a "tomboy" either. I never really understood in those years, why I related better to guys than to gals. Many years later I came to the conclusion that I think I subconsciously felt that I didn’t have to compete with a guy. With gals, I had a tendency to compare myself. Do I look as good? Am I as outgoing? The guys accepted me for who I was. No competition there.
In my adulthood and as a single woman, I have had five very close male friendships. A lady once asked me, "what does a male/female friendship look like?" For that reason, I will share my experiences.
The first [adult] male friendship: We met at a Bible study and started talking afterward. We were enjoying great conversation. I mentioned I was hungry and needed to go home and get something to eat. He said he should do the same. I told him "I’m gonna fix a grilled cheese sandwich if you want to join me and we can continue our conversation." He said "Sure!" Over grilled cheese we discussed where we were in life, and neither of us were interested in a "dating" relationship. Since that day in January 1995, we have been great friends. We talked on the phone often, he taught me ballroom dancing, we’d rent and watch movies together, he’d call and say "I need a woman’s opinion." It was never a hand holding type of relationship. He eventually met "the one" and, of course, I backed off on our activities to give her space. They eventually married. Now I’m friends with both.
I have four other male friendships that have followed a very similar scenario. One in particular, I stay in close touch with and often participate in activities with he and his lovely wife. Another close male friend married one of my best gal friends that I introduced him to. But, you also have to recognize that the activities of those close friendships have to end when he/she gets involved in a relationship.
My success of being a "female friend" is because I am always honest about my intentions from the beginning. I make it clear that I am only looking for friendships at this time. Guys look at things different than women. I’m sure you would all agree that we enjoy the company of the opposite sex. The problem with "friendship" arises when one or the other sometimes steps over the friendship boundary line.
Certainly, there have been circumstances where we both agreed that we could move on to the dating stage and see where that took us. What better way for a relationship to start than with being great friends first?
As perfect as it may sound, this scenario doesn’t work for everyone. I once ran across an old acquaintance who asked for my phone number again. I told him sure he could call as long as he knows up front that, with no conceit intended, I’m not looking for a boyfriend. He asked, "Well what are you looking for?" "Christian friendships" was my answer. He said ok. But, after awhile I discontinued any one-on-one activities because he really was not able to accept a "just friend" status.
Does this mean that we can only be friends with the opposite sex if we "don't want" a boyfriend/girlfriend? Of course, not. I too would love to have that match made in Heaven. But I'm not "looking" and I trust that when God has prepared him for me, we'll become great friends which will lead to that "perfect for me" relationship. I know from experience that a relationship is harder to get out of than it is to get into. So why look for a "relationship" and then worry about hurting that person because you realize you're really not interested? For Me... looking for friends, and letting God plan the rest, has an added benefit.... it keeps me content in my singleness!
During my survery, I pointed out the first male response to other males that I surveyed. The responses seemed to be split. Some agreed that no man can be just friends and others disagreed with that comment, indicating they have had a number of female friends.
My Conclusion: Men and women can be just friends as long as both are in agreement, right from the beginning, that you are on the same page. What does a male/female friendship look like? The same as the same sex friendship. The difference is you have the benefit of the opposite sex opinions and viewpoints on subjects which can be very beneficial at times. But, honesty and open communication is the only way it will work. And when it does, those friendships can be so rewarding!
Esther publishes a FREE Christian newsletter, Heavenly News Online, which features a section for Christian Singles.
My Conclusion: Men and women can be just friends as long as both are in agreement, right from the beginning, that you are on the same page. What does a male/female friendship look like? The same as the same sex friendship. The difference is you have the benefit of the opposite sex opinions and viewpoints on subjects which can be very beneficial at times. But, honesty and open communication is the only way it will work. And when it does, those friendships can be so rewarding!
Esther publishes a FREE Christian newsletter, Heavenly News Online, which features a section for Christian Singles.
