In the Pit or On Cloud 9?

In your singleness, where are you? Are you In the Pit? Are you on Cloud 9? Or are you somewhere in between?

When I started this blogging page, my intent was to concentrate on issues of being single. I’ve been so busy these past two months that I haven’t gotten my thoughts and story organized in a good enough fashion to share on here. Thus I've blogged about what was on my mind for that day. But, each week my agenda states "Get it organized, Esther!" but the story line seems to always get pushed another day away.

"I’m Christian, I’m Single, and I’m Living for the Lord." The title tells my current life situation. But has that always applied to me?

I was married for 21 years when my husband went to Heaven at the age of 42 years. I stayed single for 11 years thereafter. During that time of singleness, I’ve been In the Pit, I’ve been on Cloud 9, but mostly I’ve been somewhere in between those two. The past few months I’ve read many blogs & forums, and I hear lots of stories of the struggles of living life as a single person, specifically a Christian single person. A Christian single person who tries to adhere to Godly morals in the midst of our singleness and passion for life! I’ve been there, done that! And I’m still doing that!

I decided I would start blogging on my experiences of 13 years as a single adult. And, how I got to the point of saying "I’m Christian, I’m Single, and I’m Living for the Lord." (As we all know, there is quite a difference in being single as an "adult" and being single as a teenager. Especially after having lived life as a married person!)

Are you doing the math here? Yes, first I said single for 11 years then I said single for 13 years. I’m sure the picture is easy to see here. After 11 years I got married. Three years later, I divorced. I’ve been single for two years since that divorce. Since 1992, I have been through the tragedy of the death of a loved one, the break up of a special relationship, the marriage to a dear friend, and the divorce from that friend. I'd like to share how God has been with me through it all.

Why would I plan to share my story on a blog? And, why would anybody want to read it for that matter?! Because I believe when we read true life stories of circumstances that possibly relate to where we are in life, when we see others have gone through what we are going through, it helps to get us through our difficult struggles. It’s always easier if we know someone else can, and does, relate to our circumstances. Maybe it doesn’t cure our problem, but it helps knowing you’re not alone in your struggle. With God’s help, I hope to get the wording right as to somehow bless someone who reads these blogs. If they do bless you, please let me know. I need the encouragement too!

I’ll get the show on the road next week, so please check back to begin the journey from The Pit to Cloud 9!

Check out the numerous books for Christian singles that are listed at the bottom of this page. There may be one for the exact place where you are in your life.


Esther publishes a Free Christian newsletter, Heavenly News Online which has a special section for Christian singles.
http://heavenlynewsonline.com/

Don't Doubt Where God Is Leading!

I’m reading through an old journal of devotional times. I often do that for "today’s" devotions. Reading notes of past sermons I’ve heard or messages I’ve written in my journal help to remind me of things God once spoke to me about and I have since forgotten. Today I read a journal entry from August 9, 1999 which read: "I have total faith in God, yet I still worry and fret about things instead of remembering to give those concerns over to him; ask him to guide me; and trust he’ll do just that.

1996 study notes remind me: Follow what He puts on your heart. Don’t limit His works by your doubts or lack of trusting Him. Start moving even though you’re not sure where God is taking you . He will not show you step two until you complete step one. "The waters did not part until they stepped into the water." Take that first step of faith. He’ll lead you to step two. Don’t doubt where He’s taking you each day, have faith it’s to a good place. He has a great plan for you and it is of good and not of evil."

— Wow, so often those same words have come back to me over the years... I first wrote about it in 1996, then 1999, and now again in 2008. I’ve been trying to live by those instructions God has so often given me. This past month I began doubting the path I’m on. Wondering if I’m following His plan or trying to blaze my own path. When I opened up my old journal to hear Him speak to me again, there it was plain as day on the page I turned to;

He was so faithful in reminding me... "don’t doubt where God is leading me..." I needed that reminder. I’m sure I’ll need it again over & over in the future. The wonderful thing is, I know He’ll be faithful to provide it again at that time too!

Esther publishes a Free Christian newsletter, Heavenly News Online, and dedicates a special section to Christian Singles.

http://heavenlynewsonline.com

Also see Esther at http://myspace.com/heavenlynewsonline

Is there MERCY in the word NO?

When a boy meets a girl that he wants to get to know. He just walks right up to her, introduces himself and he tells her so. But what does a girl do, when she meets a boy that makes her feel the same way to? Come on and tell me, please tell me, what does a girl do?

When a boy meets a girl that he wants for the rest of his life, he just walks right up to her and says "Darling, please be my wife." But what does a girl do when she meets a boy that makes her feel the same way too? Come on and tell me, tell me... what does a girl do?

These are words to a song back in the ‘60's. They describe some of the issues that single girls felt in that day in age. How could we meet that guy we had our eye on, without being so obvious as to trip and fall right in front of him?

For a girl to call a guy in the early-mid 60's, was not a proper thing to do. So don’t even think about asking him for his number. Therefore, its a given that some guys never met the girl of their dreams because they were too shy to go meet them, talk to them, or ask them out. And vise versa. The girl never had the opportunity to meet that guys she dreamed about every night.


I’m sure the guys would have preferred to have shifted the responsibility of "meeting and asking" onto the girls at that time. What courage it must take to ask someone out on a date. And then, to face the idea that you might get turned down after you spent days working up enough courage to ask in the first place!

That all changed in 1969 with the blooming of the "Flower Child" and "Free Love." Today, we have internet dating where it is expected that girls contact guys and vise versa. Women ask men to marry them. There is no stigma attached. But even today, at some point most of us see someone we really want to get to know and we’re nervous. Nervous about approaching that person because we don’t want to make a wrong impression.

I once had a guy [much younger appearing than myself] approach me several times while I was at the river. He tried to make casual conversation each time. Basically, I answered his question and he’d go on his way. A little later, he’d walk by me and ask another question or make another comment. Same thing. Finally he came over and said "I don’t know how to approach this, but would you like to go to dinner some time?"

I was a little surprised and caught off guard. I smiled and told him "I’m sorry but I think I’m a little old for you. My sons are probably just about the same age you are." He shrugged and said, "Ok" and left.

I mentioned the incident to my 25 year old son later that day and told him my response. My son, growing up fairly shy himself, pointed out to me how cold that response was. "The poor guy. It took him all those tries and you shut him down just like that." I realized how true those words were. I was flattered that he would ask. Yet, I was a little embarrassed too thinking I couldn’t date a guy so much younger than myself.

That was ten years ago but I’ve never forgotten that incident. I’ve wished I could go back and change the tone and the words of that response. How would I have felt if it were me doing the asking?

I’ve since learned that there are many ways to say "no" to a request for a date. The response doesn’t have to come in a way that would embarrass them, make them wish they’d never asked, or hurt their feelings.

I know that in this day in age, dating has an entirely different approach. But usually someone still has to do the asking at some point in time. Next time you say "no" to someone approaching you for a date, stop to think how you would feel with your response, before you answer. A "no" can be softened in so many ways.

Don’t make up an excuse. If you do that, they may ask you again and you’ll have to do the same thing over again. A good, non-critical reason why you cannot accept the offer would be the best thing to do. Be truthful. But "truthfulness" does not have to be "hurtful."

Let the Lord’s gentleness show through you the next time you have to say "no."

Esther publishes a free Christian newletter, Heavenly News Online, which dedicates a special section to Christian Singles.

http://heavenlynewsonline.com/

You can also meet Esther at

http://myspace.com/heavenlynewsonline

Your Attention, Please!

Hmmm, why do I keep thinking about him? It's been a long time since I've seen him. I should call her, she was such a good friend. One of these days I'll do that. Do you have times when names of certain people constantly come to mind, and you wonder why? Or do certain thoughts come to mind of things you "ought" to do but you keep dismissing the thought?

Do you think maybe, just maybe, God is trying to get your attention? Stop and think. Then, when God has your attention, PAY ATTENTION! Something BIG is about to happen!

Pray about what God wants you to do when those feelings or thoughts arise. When he tells you what he wants you to do, be willing to do it! YOU are God's answer to prayer for that person! Did you know that?

Mat. 9:38 says "...pray that the Lord will send workers..." You are the worker in that situation!

Once the Holy Spirit has given you instruction on what you are to do, watch out! Satan will instantly try to convince you that you are not God's worker. Satan will give you all kinds of excuses! I'm sure you've heard them [or said them] all before:

(1) "I'm a nobody. How can I be of help? Somebody will do it!" God says, "I know you're a nobody but I chose you! I will be with you. I will help you."

(2) "I won't know what to say!" God says, "I will tell you what to say. I will meet you in that hour." Know this, when He calls you, He will guide you!

(3) "Look at me, I can't talk eloquently. I have these weaknesses." God says, "I made you exactly the way I want you to be." God gave you certain talents and abilities and he'll use those.

(4) "They won't believe me!" God says, "They can't help but believe you. I'll use whatever I've given you." Satan would have us say "Send somebody else. I can't do it."

When God gets your attention it's because he wants to use YOU, not somebody else. YOU are that answer to prayer.


Listen, Pray, Act!





Esther publishes a Free Christian outreach newsletter, Heavenly News Online, which dedicates a special section to Christian singles. Read and sign up for the newsletter at
http://heavenlynewsonline.com/
Also see Esther at:
http://myspace.com/heavenlynewsonline

Can SINGLE men & women be JUST FRIENDS?

Can Christian SINGLE men and women be "just friends" is a subject I've heard arise many times. Therefore, I decided to take a survey on one of my Christian networking groups in which I am a member. I have just posted that survey tonight and will look forward to the feedback I get from the members of that group.

CAN Christian "single" men and women be just friends?

What do you think? If you would like to participate in this survey, you can do so by leaving a short comment on this blog stating your answer as Yes or No and a brief reason why you answer that way. I’ll look forward to your responses.

I'll post the results of my group survey at the beginning of November so be sure to check back if you're interested in reading those results! At that time I'll also give my opinion, and share my experiences with male/female "friend" relationships.

Esther publishes a FREE Christian newsletter, Heavenly News Online, which dedicates a special section of the newsletter to Christian single issues. You can read and sign up for that newsletter at:
http://heavenlynewsonline.com/

Also see me at http://myspace.com/heavenlynewsonline

Resisting the Cookie - It's not always the answer to prayer!

The parking lot was crowded at our busy church service. I was guided in by the parking attendant and aligned my car into the tight space. Immediately another car pulled in and parked beside me. A young father with two ambitious little boys got out of the car and we all headed in to find a seat before the service began. After services a wonderful ministry is offered, cookies & coffee in the fellowship hall.

I generally try to stay away from those delicious, soft chew, chocolate chip cookies as one is never enough for me! Today I reminded myself "I really don’t need a cookie today" but I found myself still heading toward the cookie counter. I picked a cookie that looked like it was loaded with chips. Again, I reminded myself that I really didn’t need to eat that cookie. With it wrapped in a napkin I headed to my car.

As I approached the parking lot I saw the young father hurrying his two little guys into the car, one protesting with pleading eyes & voice, "PLEASE, Daddy, I’ll hurry." "Not today!" the father replied, sounding very desperate. "We’re late, we have to hurry!" The boy continued, "Please, Daddy, please? I’ll run real fast and grab a cookie and be right back, I promise." "We don’t have time, get in the car!" the father firmly stated, trying hard not to lose his patience with the little fellow. "But Daddy, please, I’ll hurry." The frustrated father’s reply was "Get in the car, now!"

I looked down at my hand, there in the napkin was the cookie I told myself I didn’t want or need. I walked around the car where the child was still pleading with his father and handed Daddy the cookie. "Can they share this one?" The father’s heart melted as he looked at me with a waive of relief in his eyes. "I was almost to the point of telling him I’ll buy him anything, later, if he could just wait. We’re late for an appointment. You are so sweet!" he responded.

I didn’t need that cookie today, but the Lord knew that young father did!

Esther publishes aFree Christian outreach newsletter, Heavenly News Online. It's dedicated to encouraging spiritual growth. Special section for Christian singles.
http://heavenlynewsonline.com

Single and Content - a Myth?

God created Adam and then he said "It is not good for man to be alone." Then he created Eve to be a helpmate. But that was in the perfect world. At that time, God had not intended singleness, nor had he intended disease, war, or heartache. We now live in a fallen world. A world that suffers the consequences of sin. And, suffer it is, for many who believe they are not "called to be single."

With that thought nagging at our minds, we live in a world of loneliness, with an almost constant focus on "...when God brings that special someone into my life." Our days tend to be built around making sure we are ready, in case we meet Mr. Right or Ms. Wonderful. Far too often Christian singles wonder how anyone can ever be content with being single. After all, God said it himself, "It is not good for man to be alone." Therefore, is "Content and Single" a myth? An oxymoron?

Not at all! There are those who have been touched by God’s grace and live with utterly complete satisfaction in their singleness. Singleness to them has become a good thing! But does that mean that the content Christian single does not desire a helpmate? Not at all. Contentment is a state of mind that God has us in while we wait upon God to bring our heart’s desire to fruition, whatever that desire may be.

Rather than live for the future and when the desire is attained, instead we can live life knowing that God is in control. We can live for each day and each moment, enjoying the blessings that have come our way. After all, for some of us, tomorrow may never come. God wants us to be happy in where he has us at this very moment.

If you are one who is striving to be content and having a difficult time with it, start a mental checklist. What is your daily agenda? Is it focused on "Will I meet someone today?" Or, is it focused on the many things you are blessed with today, being thankful for where you are?

Have you committed the whole matter of your heart’s desire to God and asked him to work out his plan for you? If so, trust him to do his work. Even if you have to remind yourself daily that God is in control. His timing is perfect.

Where is your mind-set? God WON’T change your mind, but you can. God CAN change your heart, but you can’t!

In singleness, many have found an avenue of devotion and service towards God and man. It’s a proven fact that putting your focus on others, brings a joy and comfort to yourself, and glorifies God in the process! It takes the focus off yourself and your problems. Take one day at a time. Focus on that day. See how God can reveal a whole new life within you.

When we live with a focus on God, he meets us where we are. He redeems us from the loneliness and incompleteness that is inherent in so many singles today.

Esther publishes a FREE Christian outreach newsletter, Heavenly News Online, with a portion of the newsletter dedicated to Christian singles.

http://heavenlynewsonline.com/

Out of the Pit - Part 2

As I indicated in Part 1 of "Out of the Pit" I had a difficult time getting out of the mud and the mire, the slimy pit. I shared that I posted two scripture verses on the wall next to my desk. Psalm 34:17&18, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." and Psalm 40:1&2, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy it, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..." As I began to feel myself slipping backward into my pit, I would read and pray those verses.

With those scripture verses, and with God’s help, I began implementing another process, in an attempt to escape the pit.

A river's current flows strong and swift in one direction. But, if something gets in the path of the strong river current, the water begins to flow around that obstruction. Gradually, it cuts a new path, flowing just as swift in its new direction. Similarly, though it took a lot of mental effort, when in despair I began forcing myself to conciously divert the thoughts to a new direction. Whenever I would start thinking of the things that depressed me, I would put the process to work. I’d start saying to myself, "I don’t need to think about that, I don’t need to think about that." And then I’d pray the above stated verses, renewing my hope of escaping the pit. When the thought came back, I’d repeat the process. Over and Over. Sometimes I felt like I went through the process a thousand times a day. But eventually, like the diversion in the river, a new path was created and my thoughts started flowing more toward the new, peaceful canal rather than down the road of the old mud and mire.

As I kept my focus on God, he lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud & mire. He set my feet on a rock and gave me a hard firm ground to stand. Once the mud & mire was washed away and I was sparkly clean again, I realized how God used those struggles to reshape much of my character. Need I say, for the better?!

Esther publishes a Christian outreach newsletter, Heavenly News Online, which dedicates a special section for Christian Singles.
http://heavenlynewsonline.com

Out of the Pit - Part 1

Psalm 40:1-2 "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire."

Have you experienced the slimy pit? The mud and the mire? Most of us have at one time or another in our lives. The slimy pit is not a fun place to be. It’s a state of our mind where we struggle, often times with reality. It’s a time of deep despair.

There are a vast range of circumstances that can sink us into the mud and mire of that slimy pit. But how do we get out? For those of us who have been there, we all know it is not an easy thing to do. Some of you may still be in the pit, struggling to climb out. For those, I share my story. Many of you may relate to the circumstances.

David’s description in the book of Psalm describes the pit perfectly. He was there. It’s a slimy pit. And I’m sure its described as that because it’s hard to climb out. You try but its so slick you fall right back down.

Then you reach a point in the climb where you’ve gone several days, things are beginning to feel a little better, you’re excited because you see a little light at the top of that pit. Maybe you’re gonna get out after all! But something happens, you lose your footing and end up at the bottom again.

The pit is not an easy escape. Friends may tell you to "get over it" or "move on with your life." But you’re stuck in that mud and mire. How can we escape?

My climb out consisted of keeping myself in a constant state of prayer throughout the day. As I searched God’s word for comfort, I found myself continually going to the book of Psalm. I sympathized with David as I read his prayers. I recognized his fears, his hurt, and his cries to the Lord. His emotions all sounded so familiar. David knew what pain was all about.

I posted two scripture verses on the wall next to my desk. As I began to feel myself slipping backward into my pit, I would read and pray those verses:

Psalm 34:17-18, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." and Psalm 40:1-2, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy it, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..."

Those two verses gave me hope that one day soon my feet would be planted on a hard firm ground once again, rather than the mud and mire.

I also implemented another process that helped me climb out of my pit. Tune in next week to read Part 2 of Out of the Pit. I'll be out of town for the weekend to watch my son run the Portland marathon. But I'll get back to you with the "Rest of the Story" once I return home.

Esther publishes Heavenly News Online, a Christian outreach newsletter which is dedicated to encouraging your spiritual growth and keeping you tuned-in to Jesus. http://heavenlynewsonline.com/

Bite the Tongue!

We’ve grown up being told "If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all." When we have the urge to say something bad or that we might later regret due to our Christian convictions, let’s take that old saying one step further. Follow Paul’s advice, "Don’t let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth..." instead, be a good Christian example. Bite the tongue from those unkind words.

Rather than spout off at the mouth, start saying something good that would build up that person; words of encouragement. Only speak what is uplifting.

The group DC Talk had a song out some years ago called Words which says "Love is a verb." It’s true. Love is action. You know it well. 1 Cor. 13 which states, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Love is how we act, what people see. In the song of Words, the singer asks "If we took away all the words, how would you show me you love me?"

Next time you want to "give someone a piece of your mind" remember, you are going to need all your mind you can get some day. Don’t give it away. Instead, Bite the Tongue! Speak kind words, show love in action. Be a disciple for Jesus Christ and help win souls to God’s Kingdom.

Esther is the publisher of Heavenly News Online, a Christian outreach newsletter dedicated to encouraging spiritual growth and keeping Christians ‘tuned-in’ to Jesus. http://heavenlynewsonline.com/